let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
