Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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