that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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