normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize