Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
