the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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