hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I will be naked everywhere
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
