: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
