Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
