Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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