I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
