WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
