The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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