During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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