i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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