He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
