she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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