Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sex in the backyard? Check.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
