worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
