If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
