found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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