You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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