My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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