i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
