I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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