I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
