Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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