it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
