I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
