shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
