my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm both gender and math confused
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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