dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
