My liver just broke up with me...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
