she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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