Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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