so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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