at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
