there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
