u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
