I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
