Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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