you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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