They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You made out with two different species that night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
