Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize