Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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