problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
