the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Randomize
