she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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