awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize