Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
