He had one of those small greek statue penises
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize