Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
