I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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