What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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