So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
