Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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