In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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