you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
