Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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