The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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