omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
