I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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