It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
