I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
