Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
