You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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