hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
