A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
