if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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