Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
