I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
