I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
