So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
