I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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