After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
